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Please email your story to share with us. Here's a link to 2 great articles written in the SF Gate.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/03/05/CMG7BGPSU11.DTL&hw=stillbirth&sn=001&sc=1000

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/03/25/CMGBGOCR5M1.DTL&hw=hope+with+heartbeat&sn=001&sc=1000

These articles were written by Suzanne Pullen who may be reached at lifeafterstillbirth@yahoo.com

Submitted from Fern:

I belong to a site called "Daily Strength" that is a whole host of support groups in one place. Recently the owner asked us to write journal entries about an organization we wanted him to donate to. Here is my entry. If you want to post it on the Tiny Heartbeats website in the stories area, please feel free.

End the Silence

Its funny, in trying to decide what charity I wanted to write an entry about, you would think with my diagnoses I would gravitate towards fibro, myofascial pain, or even a chronic pain organization; but I have an even more silent issue on my heart. That is the loss of unborn children and the lack of attention, support, and acknowlegement that the parents of these lost children receive.

I am one of those parents! The only visible sign to anyone that my heart was broken in two on 4 different occassions is that I wear a reminder bracelet on my right wrist. If I am asked about my bracelet I tell my story, otherwise, you would never know that I carry their memory with me every day. I try not to let it take over my life or turn it into something negative, because it is far from that. It was painful to loose 4 babies before I got to meet them face to face or to hold them in my arms, but I was touched by each of them and they changed my life in so many ways that have been positive. So in order to make it easier to carry the pain with me every day, I focus on the positive affects my unborn children had on my life. They were silent, yet they shaped me much more than you could ever imagine.

I am a better mother due to everything I have been through. I know all too well how quickly one of my children can be taken from me and I cherish each and every moment with them. I am more patient with my living children because I know better than ever how precious they are and that as much as I can mold their lives, they have molded me even more. I am so thankful for the joy my children have brought into my life and I am thankful for the chance to be a part of their lives.

Yes, I lost 4 children who I won't get to hold in my arms or get to mold as they grow. However, I also know many women who haven't had the opportunity to experience the joy of being a mother to a living child and have never known what it feels like to have her child give her a hug and say, "I love you Mommy!" And even though my pain is deep after loosing 4 children I also have 4 wonderful living children and all of them, silent or not, have touched my life in such a wonderful way that I find it difficult to put into words. So my heart goes out to other moms who have lost their babies who have also been affected by the silence that the loss of a child brings.

We leave the hospital or clinic with a broken heart, the silence of not having a baby in our arms, and the silence of people who should support us but don't know what to do or say. And as we walk the journey of grieving for the child we lost, that journey becomes more and more silent as time goes on. No one in our society wants to hear how beautiful we thought our child was, how much they weighed, or even what color their hair was. You see, we suffer in silence with no baby to hear cry. And no one seems to understand how painful this journey is except maybe other mothers who have had the same experience. In many cases, our husbands don't even understand. They try, but they often ad to the silence. Our society doesn't recognize us in any way and so we carry our pain in silence. So today I hope I can end the silence of many of us who have expeienced the pain of a lost child by getting the word out. We want to talk about our lost children and we want you to ask how we are and let us tell you about our child.

So I hope in the spirit of not allowing us to be silent any longer, you will donate to "Share Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support, Inc." http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/contribute.shtml This organization helps to end the silence that many of us experience after the loss of a child. It is a wonderful charity that provides support to families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.

Dana, thanks for giving me the opportunity to share my story and my hope with others.

Hugs, Fern

Here are some statistics for you to read.

The Facts

Twenty-five percent of mothers in 2001 in the United States had one or more fetal deaths before having a live birth. (Price, Maternal and Child Health Journal, Nov. 2006)

In the United States, 15 to 20 percent of all known pregnancies end in miscarriage and one in every 150 births results in a stillbirth. Most researchers believe these numbers would be higher if not for inconsistencies in data reporting and collection. (Centers for Disease Control)

Women who have had a stillbirth have a five times greater risk of a subsequent stillbirth; recurrence of stillbirth is almost tripled in blacks as compared to whites. (Sharma, et al, Obstetrics and Gynecology, Feb. 2006 )

Of women who had a fetal death of 10 weeks gestation or longer, fewer than 25 percent of their next pregnancies ended in a live birth; 44 percent miscarried. (Frias, et al, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Sept. 2004)

In more than half of recurrent stillbirths, the cause of death was the same. (Maternal Observations and Memories of Stillbirth study, Robson et al; 2005)

Women who have had a stillbirth experience higher levels of depression and anxiety during pregnancy. (Hughes, et al, British Medical Journal, June 1999)